Mr and Mrs Smith
by FlamingShadow and BiggerThanJK
Summary: We have taken scenes from the Matrix and changed them into a comedy. Better Summary inside.


_Hey guys for those of you reading my other story i am updating soon but i'm writing two chapters together to say thank you for being so patient._

**This is our new partnership story so enjoy. If you like this, let us know and we'll carry on, but if you don't, we'll leave it. I hope you find it as funny reading it as we did writing it. Thanks for any reviews. **

Summary: Basically it's a comedy revolving around romance. It includes Smith's wife who sleeps with everyone except Smith, Morpheus and Neo who sleep with her and occasionally each other, two gay agents and Trinity's in here somewhere as well. So stick with it for a bit and hopefully you'll laugh as much as we did.

* * *

Chapter 1-Hello Neo

"Thomas Anderson?"

Surprise crossed Neo's face as he took the package. He jumped as the phone rang suddenly, then with caution pressed it to his ear. A quiet voice was on the other end of the line.

"Hello Neo . . ."

Neo bristled in anger. "Morpheus, where have you been? You never write, you never call! Did I mean nothing to you?"

"I'm sorry, Neo," apologised the voice with little emotion. "But I wasn't sure if you were ready to see what I wanted to show you," he added saucily.

"I'm ready whenever you are, babe."

"Well I know what you've been up to while I was away, and _so do they_," said Morpheus in a menacingly low voice. "They're coming for you Neo, and I don't know what they're going to do."

"Who are 'they'?

"Look towards the elevator, Neo."

Neo turned and slowly rose to peer over the cubicle wall. He screamed in horror.

"The other elevator, Neo," said Morpheus testily.

Neo looked away from the terrifying girl scouts in relief, then screamed again.

* * *

Smith fixed his piercing gaze on the female worker in front of him. 

"I'm looking for my wife, she works here. She didn't come home last night." Smith explained steadily.

"She's not in today, but the man she slept with is," she added casually.

"What?!" Smith's voice rose unintentually.

"They slept together on the desk. She's so lucky - he's _huge_," she said dreamily. "Such a good body . . ."

Smith began to get irritated. "Where is he?"

The harsh tone of his voice froze her daydreams and she pointed to Neo's cubicle.

* * *

Neo gasped as Smith looked directly at him. He ducked behind the wall in sheer panic. "Oh shit! What do they want from me?" 

Morpheus sounded exasperated. "Well, you did sleep with his wife," he pointed out.

"Oh, yeah, she was fab!" said Neo reliving his memories of last night.

"Neo!" Morpheus barked, dragging him back to reality.

"Oh, sorry."

"Now, listen to me carefully . . ."

. . . Following Morpheus' instructions, Neo made it unseen to the room at the end of the corridor.

"Neo, use the scaffolding to get to the roof," Morpheus instructed calmly.

"What, the roof?" cried Neo in disbelief. "She was good, but she wasn't worth this! This is insane, this isn't happening to me!"

Carefully, Neo climbed out onto the ledge, and looked down. His stomach lurched.

"Shit, it's so high!" he protested, feeling disorientated as he edged to the scaffolding.

"Neo," said Morpheus impatiently, "It's only a six foot drop!"

Neo mustered his courage and continued his slow crawl towards the scaffolding. The phone slipped from his fingers and he watched it hit the head of a two year old and shatter on the concrete.

"Ef you, Morpheus!" Neo yelled. "I can't do this!"

He lost his nerve and in a pathetic display of unmanliness retreated to the safety of the room.

* * *

Trinity watched her motorbike mirror with seriousness. Smith appeared from the building escorting Neo. 

"Ooh, he's fit."

She took a closer look at Neo.

"Ooh, he's even fitter!"

Smith turned to look in her direction.

"Oh, shit," she said under her breath, and accelerated away.

* * *

The image of Neo on a television screen appeared. 

"Ah this is shit telly. Where's Eastenders? Or Ugly Betty?!"

* * *

Neo looked up from the table when Smith entered. 

The two agents that entered behind Smith stood either side of Neo and surveyed him appreciatively.

"Hmm," Agent Brown hummed approvingly.

Agent Jones promptly kicked him in the shin and cleared his throat.

Smith dropped the heavy green folder and opened it. He flicked through the pages with interest.

"No STI's . . . Good. It seems you've been living two lives: in one life you are a respectable computer programmer . . . in the other, you've been bedding my wife. One of these lives has a future, one of them does not. I'm going to be as forthcoming as I can with you, Mr Anderson. We're here because I need your help. We know that you've been contacted by a certain individual. A man who calls himself Morpheus. He too has been sleeping with my wife," he revealed.

"What!?" screamed Neo, heartbroken.

"Exactly." agreed Smith. "Everyone's been bedding her except me. And she's MY wife! You give me Morpheus, and I'll let you go."

"Well that sounds like a really good deal." Neo considered. "But I think I've got a better one. How about . . . I give you the finger . . . and you give me your wife?"

Smith looked upset "Just because it worked on her, doesn't me it will work on me."

Agent Brown agreed with Neo. "Hmm. That does sound like a better deal, sir. In fact I could go in your place."

Agent Jones promptly kicked him in the shin and cleared his throat.

Smith ignored the agents. "What good is my wife if you can't sleep with her?"

Pure terror crossed Neo's face.

"Sir we're here to find Morpheus. He's a dangerous terrorist." Reminded Agent Jones. "No disrespect sir, but we're not here to sort out your marriage problems."

Smith regained his composure. "Hold him down boys!"

"Hmm!" Agent Brown turned to Jones. "Some days I really love this job!"

Agent Jones promptly kicked him in the shin and cleared his throat.

The agents wrestled Neo onto the desk.

"Hey I remember this table," Neo grinned. "She and I. . ."

Neo's sentence was cut short as Smith lunged at him. Agent Brown restrained Smith until he was sufficiently calm.

Neo smiled smugly.

"Ok you can let me go now," Smith told Brown.

Brown remained motionless.

"LET ME GO!"

Brown reluctantly relinquished his hold around Smith's toned chest.

Neo's smug expression vanished instantly as Smith dropped a bug onto his skin. To Neo's horror it started to crawl towards his bellybutton.

The last sound Neo heard before he blacked out was the sound of Smith's cruel laughter.


End file.
